During my Akashic Reading sessions, especially while working with relationship related patterns, I have noticed something repeatedly.
People often come looking for answers about their own relationships. They may be struggling with feeling ignored, not feeling loved, feeling emotionally disconnected, or wondering why a particular relationship keeps creating the same emotional pattern.
And while exploring these experiences, I have noticed that many people are constantly looking towards the other person for something they are not giving themselves.
They want love, but are they giving themselves love? They want acknowledgement, but do they acknowledge themselves? They want someone to spend time with them, but when was the last time they consciously spent some time with themselves?
This doesn’t mean that the other person’s behaviour doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean that every relationship problem is something we have created ourselves.
What I am talking about is something deeper that I have repeatedly observed:
Sometimes we expect others to fill an emotional space that we have not learnt to fill for ourselves.
Self love, for me, is not just a word. It is something we actually need to experience and practise in our everyday lives.
The Common Unconscious Pattern
Life today is busy. People are working demanding corporate jobs, handling sales targets, managing teams, taking care of their homes, raising children, and looking after parents and in laws. There are so many responsibilities that by the time the day ends, there may be nothing left for ourselves.
I have especially noticed this with many married women who come for readings. Their lives can revolve around their children, husband, family, household and work. They are constantly doing something for someone. And sometimes, they don’t even realise that they need some time for themselves.
They have become so used to giving that receiving, even from themselves, feels unfamiliar.
But there is an important question we need to ask ourselves:
“Am I genuinely happy giving, or is something inside me asking to be loved, seen and acknowledged?”
If you are genuinely happy serving your children and family, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If taking care of others gives you happiness, gives you a sense of purpose, and you don’t feel any emptiness or expectation in return, that is beautiful.
But if something inside you is crying, if you feel lonely despite being surrounded by people, or if you constantly seek love and acknowledgement from others, perhaps it is time to look at the relationship you have with yourself.
Being a Good Person vs. Trying to Be a Good Person
This is another distinction that has become very clear to me through my sessions.
Sometimes clients tell me, “I am a good person. I do so much for everyone. Then why don’t I get the love I deserve?”
And I gently ask them:
“Are you a good person, or are you trying to be a good person?”
Sometimes people don’t immediately understand what I mean by this. There is a difference between being a good person and trying to be a good person in the eyes of others.
When you are genuinely happy serving others, you don’t necessarily do it because you want something in return. You find happiness in serving and purpose in giving. You don’t constantly need people to acknowledge you or tell you that you are a good person. There is a certain joy in the act itself. For me, this can become a beautiful spiritual experience.
But sometimes we are not simply being good. We are trying to become a good person in the eyes of others.
We want to fit into our family. We want to fit into our social circle. We want society to approve of us. We want everyone to think that we are caring, helpful and selfless.
So we start putting other people’s needs before our own, not because it genuinely makes us happy, but because we are seeking acceptance.
We say yes when we want to say no. We keep adjusting. We keep sacrificing. We keep doing things for others because we want to remain in their good books.
And perhaps initially, it feels good. But over time, something can change. You may start feeling empty. You may feel sad without understanding why. You may feel emotionally exhausted.
You may wonder why, despite doing so much for everyone, you still don’t feel loved or fulfilled. Sometimes, this is because we are seeking acceptance from outside ourselves.
This is where self love becomes important.
You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to prove that you are a good person.
Self Love Doesn’t Mean Stopping Caring About Others
I am not saying that we should stop caring about other people. I am not saying that you should stop helping your family, stop serving your children or become selfish.
That is not self love.
Self love can be much simpler. Find some time for yourself. It could be ten minutes, half an hour or one hour. The amount of time doesn’t matter as much as the intention behind it.
Do something that you genuinely enjoy. Read a book. Have your tea quietly. Listen to music. Dance. Sit alone. Reflect on yourself. Do some inner work. Or simply enjoy yourself without having any particular plan.
It doesn’t always have to be productive. Sometimes, you don’t need to achieve anything during your time with yourself. You can simply enjoy being yourself.
A Simple Example That Stayed With Me
I remember one lady who shared something with me that I found very beautiful.
When her children leave for school and her husband goes to the office, she takes about one and a half hours for herself. She may sit with a book and a cup of tea. Sometimes she dances to songs she likes. Sometimes she reads. Sometimes she introspects and looks within herself. Sometimes she does some inner work.
And sometimes she simply enjoys herself without any particular plan.
She told me:
“It’s my time. I feel good doing that.”
There was something very simple about it, but I found it very meaningful.
She wasn’t running away from her family. She wasn’t neglecting her responsibilities. She wasn’t saying that other people didn’t matter. She was simply giving herself a little space to be herself.
And I think this is something many of us can learn from.
Self love doesn’t always have to be a spa day, an expensive holiday or a dramatic lifestyle change.
Sometimes it can be a cup of tea and a book. Sometimes it can be dancing alone in your room. Sometimes it can be sitting quietly for ten minutes. Sometimes it can simply be doing something you love without needing to justify it.
You Matter Too
I have seen how easily we can become focused on receiving love, acknowledgement and attention from others. And perhaps sometimes the journey is also about turning some of that attention inward.
Care for others. Love your family. Serve your children. Be there for the people you love. But don’t disappear from your own life while doing all of that.
You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to prove that you are a good person. You don’t have to constantly remain in everyone’s good books. And you don’t need to wait for someone else to give you permission to enjoy your own life.
Sometimes, self love can be as simple as sitting alone with a cup of tea and a book. Sometimes it can be one hour of doing exactly what you love. Sometimes it can be five minutes of silence.
And sometimes it can simply be looking at yourself and saying:
“I am here too. And I matter too.”
Because self love is not just a word.
It is the relationship you build with yourself when nobody else is watching.
Self love has become one of my strongest personal takeaways after observing so many different patterns through my Akashic Reading sessions.
And perhaps the next time you find yourself asking, “Why am I not receiving the love, attention or acknowledgement I want from others?”, pause for a moment and ask yourself one more question:
“Am I giving myself the same love, attention and acknowledgement that I am asking from someone else?”
Sometimes, that question itself can be the beginning of a very different relationship with yourself.